Friday, October 20, 2017

Three Sisters/Two Generations/Countless Lifetimes

When I was small, I wished for a little sister. I had two brothers and a family dog, and I felt left out. I felt like I had lost someone in my life, and was sad that they were not here with me. I used to tell my parents I wanted a sister.

"The boys have each other, you two have each other, and all I have is the dog!" I would complain. (Sorry for all you dog lovers out there, but she was not my dog, she was there when I arrived. For the record, she was the best dog I've ever known.)

Very lucky for me, my parents did decide to have another child. By luck or by fate, they had a girl. They gave me my sister.

I was thrilled to find out on the day she was born that she was a girl. I remember it well, because I was actually sick that day with a stomach flu. I had to go to school anyway, as my parents didn't know what else to do with me! My mom had to go to the hospital!

My teacher knew the circumstances, and these were the days where there was less protocol, and more common sense. She let me rest whenever I needed, and told me I only had to do the work if I felt I could. I made it through the day and went off to the babysitter's house.
I was sleeping when my dad called to tell me I had a baby sister. He knew I would be so excited. I remember hearing the one sided phone conversation, but my sleep kept me from reacting. Until my babysitter patted my shoulder and said, "Deedee. You have a baby sister."

I smiled, feeling so excited that she was finally here, and went back to sleep.

To any outsider watching my reaction, they probably would have thought I didn't care much at all. Inside, I was elated. I loved her already, and we hadn't even met. She was the sister I always wanted.

I thought I was complete. Our family of 6 felt perfect. Two boys, two girls, and two parents. Of course, it wasn't always smooth and cheery. We had our times of arguing, and strife. But I always felt that my baby sister was here for me (even when she did what she wanted to do, instead of what I wanted her to do).

As I became an adult, I came to realize that she wasn't here for me exactly, of course, but we definitely were put here together on purpose. We have a connection much deeper than this life, for certain.

I thought the two of us were it, forever. No matter who else we ended up with, or where life might take us, we would always be a pair.

I was wrong.

Another thing I knew at a very young age, was that I wanted to have children some day. I knew this at the core of my soul, and I knew it would happen some day. My young adult self thought I had control over when it happened, and I guess to some degree, that's true. But when I think back on it with what I know now, I really didn't have a say in it at all.

I feel that what happens is agreed on ahead of time, and we stumble through this realm into the path we were meant to have (be it good, bad or ugly).

What I didn't realize is that perhaps I was still waiting for someone to arrive. Perhaps our sister pair was not quite the complete picture I thought it was.

My first pregnancy was ultra planned. I kept track of everything, as best as a Virgo can, and thought everything was perfect.
Do you think you're having a boy or a girl? Everyone loved to ask me that question.
How should I know? I've never been pregnant before, and I don't know what they feel like at all! Be it a girl or boy, I didn't care.

We went to my first ultrasound eager and excited. Soon to be grandparents joined us. The technician asked me several times if we wanted to know the sex. Yes! Who wants to wait any longer? (Several people, come to find out, like to wait until the baby is born. I couldn't wait another second.) As she was asking me if I was sure, I saw it all on screen. I looked at a picture of inside my belly to see inside my baby's belly, and saw... ovaries. There they were plain as day.
"Say it. Say it. It's a girl." I said in my head over and over. Apparently this woman wanted to be really sure I was sure. Then she told us we were having a girl, and that she looked good and everything was in its right place and right time.
Every day from that time on was joyous.
When she was born, I woke up to every day feeling like Christmas for me. What will today bring? What will she do? What will she look like? What will I be able to show her? Every day for her first year held this bliss. (Aside from a lack of sleep, and trying to get myself back to work, and also building our own house all at that time.)

The parenting role happens so quickly, so tightly, so finite, I hardly noticed it being a role. Taking care of our children just became part of my life every day.
I became so-and-so's mom quickly, and it felt nice.
The years sometimes feel like they roll by like film in an old projector. It's quick, and there is a lot to see, with a definite story, not sure if you like it all or not, but then, next thing you know, 20 years have gone by. Yes, 20.

Conversations with my children have gone from me teaching and giving advice to them, to us discussing life and giving each other advice. It's freaking fabulous.

My daughter tells me I'm her best friend. When she first started telling me that, I thought, "How cute. She'll find someone she likes better some day. This won't last long."

She's 20, and she still tells me that. After many years of this, it dawned on me that she too is my best friend. When did that happen? Oh yeah, when life rolled by on the projector.
What do you know? I have two women in my life that are my best friends!

I had no idea that I'd been waiting for another sister to come into my life, and here she was! I feel so tied to these ladies, words cannot do justice to the bond I feel. There is definitely some past lives shared together here. There is a lot of love, caring, compassion. Even though we may have different titles here in this life, to me, we are always the three sisters.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Happy Poetry Day! ~ Springing

Soft fuzz forms on the tips of blooms to come.
They plump with anticipation.
Birds soar the sky for the first time in months.
Pointing their way to their Northern destinations.

The white landscape turns to caramel under the closer heat.
Hills transform into mounds of sugary sweetness.

Sweet water runs from the maples
Sharing their golden splendor with us.

Seeds itch.
Ground softens.
Bodies transform.
Sun shines.
We are springing.