Personal Week: Yep, I’m Still Fat, But…

Trying for the past 15 weeks to get into shape has been rough. It’s no longer the go outside and walk, walking more and faster every week. No. I’m in my 40’s now, and that just didn’t happen like it used to. It’s been a slow, tiring progress, but a progress nonetheless.

Through these 15 weeks, I've had many sore spots, many back tracks, with lots of ice and chiropractic to help me walk on.

Walking.

Just walking.

People do it every day. Then, why is it so hard?

Oh, right, because I’m fat.

Walking every week day, or at least most of them, my daily reminders that I am fat are louder than ever. Yes, I get at least one daily reminder that I am fat. Something happens, usually I run into something with my wide self, or move a certain way that hurts, or simply, my fat gets in my way. It could be any of dozens of different things that can happen on any given day. You can usually hear me simply say out loud, “Yes, I know I’m fat,” in reply. It always boggles my mind when I meet someone fat, who doesn’t realize they are so, or in denial about it, or whatever. I get at least one daily reminder a day, don’t they?

My shins screamed at me to the point of wanting to quit after the first few weeks, despite the stretching. A new pair of sneakers, and some terrific advice from friends helped that immensely. I waited the usual 4 to 6 weeks to see some improvement, to feel stronger, more limber, to be able to walk further for longer.

There really wasn't much to see.

I am a patient person, so I waited another few weeks. I know that being in my 40’s, and out of shape, things are going to take longer than ever.

I looked for the little things. Can I stretch a bit further? Yes. Good. Can I get through the walk with less pain? Yes. 

Good.

Keep going.

10 weeks came and I felt pretty good. I was still tired, when I was finished, but I recovered well, and could go about my day without feeling drained.

Good.

Keep going.

Here I am on week 15. It’s been a long process, but I can take a longer walk in the same amount of time, and I’ve added some crunches and push ups to my workout routine. Even those have increased. Finally! Some noticeable progress!

Keep going!

Up to this point, I haven’t expected significant weight loss, or to look smaller or better. I do feel better, and that’s a great start. I love it when my muscles respond to my moving without moaning and groaning about it. When I want to get up and do something, I don’t have to mentally prepare for pain. It’s dwindling, and that feels good. I want to get up and do things much more, now that it’s not so hard.

Good!

At this point, I look forward to walking on week days. I love the music on my ipod, and I got some new shorts to walk in, so I truly look forward to it. I’ve also noticed that I look better. I am only down about 5 pounds on the scale, but I know that I have built muscle too, so there is more than 5 pounds of fat that has gone. I can see it myself in the mirror, because I am looking for it. I haven’t heard anyone else tell me they’ve noticed, but I know that I am usually the first to do so. I’ve been down this road many times before. I am patient. I know it will come eventually. It’s not the reason I’ve chosen to do this, but it’s a nice perk.

Keep going.

I’ve decided to walk to be healthier. Losing fat is a side effect of healthy living. Walking has brought many things in my life to a better point. I am grateful that I can do it any time I choose. That my body will still move and respond in a positive way, even though I have spent many years avoiding taking very good care of it. I want to keep walking as a part of my health care routine. It’s not a weight loss thing, it’s a health thing. It is as good for my mind as it is for my body.

Good.

Keep going.

Personal Week: Okay, So I'm Fat

Yep, I said it, the F word. No, not that one. Hell, that one is so over used, it’s hardly bad anymore! (But it is though.) The other F word. The one nobody wants to be called, let alone actually be.

Fat.

There. It’s not such a bad word. Three simple little letters put together to describe something the opposite of thin.

It used to be a good thing to be fat. Desired even. (Way, way back, but just sayin.) It meant that you were wealthy. Wealthy enough to have food every day. So much so that your body showed it. The wealthy and powerful were fat. It was cool. They were the “in” crowd.

(Tangent Time!)

I considered blogging about how I got this way. How somewhere around when I was little I became very self conscious about how fat I was, even though I wasn't fat at all. I was an active kid., when I got hungry, I ate. Somewhere along the line that changed. Then lots of other stuff, people I could blame (and did for a while) and circumstances happened.

Life happened.

Today I am fat.

I’m okay with that. It doesn't bother me. I can look at myself naked in the mirror and see my flaws, but fat never seems to be one of them. Gravity. Now that is a whole other story.

(End of tangent.)

Turn to present day in our society and fat is a four letter word. It’s about the worst thing you can say about someone. In fact, it’s hardly used to describe someone at all. Heavy, big boned, curvy, large, XL and more are used instead to try to soften the description of someone who is the opposite of thin. Fat has become an insult.

Or funny.

You can be fat on television or in movies, as long as you are funny. Try to be taken seriously and the roll goes to someone else. So you’d better be funny, or be what I call the fat chick behind the scenes. If you've ever watched a red carpet event. Ever. Look in the background. Everyone behind the person on camera is a fat chick. Doing the work that doesn’t get seen and probably wishing they were the ones on camera, but just happy to be in there somewhere.

WTF.

What a goofed up society we live in.

I could really go on and on about this topic. The long story of how I got here and how I feel about it and blah, blah, blah. Maybe someday I’ll blog about that. For now, I’m fat. I’m okay with that. Society isn’t.

They tell me it’s not healthy. They tell me I’ll have troubles.

I do have troubles. I have knee troubles from a car accident I had 23 years ago. I was in pretty good shape at that time. I was never what you might call thin, but I looked good. I exercised and walked a lot. Of course, I was young, so I  had that on my side too.

Now I’m fat, my knees have extra weight on them. They probably hurt a bit more because of that. But here’s the kicker; I can’t do certain things to exercise because I hurt my knees, so I am heavy, which hurts my knees.

WTF.

I used to like the stairmaster. Yes, the stairmaster. That junk rocked my legs like nothing else! Nope, not after you hurt your knees. Now I avoid stairs. A stairmaster is out of the question.

My blood pressure probably isn’t ideal. I don’t obsess about it and have been told by a second opinion that a normal increase is okay with age (ugh, age…don‘t even get me started), so I leave it at that.

Otherwise I am healthy. I don’t eat take out, fast food, soft serve ice cream…all those things that people think fat people eat all the time. I don’t drink a lot, I don’t smoke or do any other type of drug.

Then there’s sugar.

Apparently sugar is the new cocaine. I believe it. It is the most addicting thing I consume. It’s everywhere. It is the hardest thing to stop consuming that I have ever tried to give up.

I’m an addict. I admit that. It makes me glad I never did smoke or anything else, because this is hard enough. This is my vice.

For years I told myself that it wasn't so bad. Of all the things out there in the world you could be addicted to, sugar was practically harmless. So I’d put on weight because of it, so what? What did that really mean?

What it really means is that I have to cut it out. It’s the one thing I do to myself that is definitely not healthy.

I know this.

I tell myself this every day.

Every day I start off with the intention of doing better than the day before.

Most days I fail.

Some days I succeed. Some weeks are great.

Some days I try not to think about it at all.

Mostly I believe in being healthy. I don’t like being out of shape, getting winded taking a flight of stairs. That’s not good. But being fat doesn't mean you are unhealthy.

Being sedentary and not eating right = unhealthy.

Fat does not equal unhealthy.

I know a lot of people have very strong opinions on being fat, being thin, being in shape, being healthy.

These are mine. I chose to share them to give you a better iDDea of who I am.

This is my life.

My experience.

My blog.

Here you go.